If Tragedy Strikes

Malcolm (Mal, 60) and Monica (Moni, 52) Munro are no strangers to grief or loss.

Mal is the son of Scottish migrants—one of his early memories is of his father crying over a telegram, missing friends, family and his homeland.

More recently, Mal’s parents passed away and he was reminded once again of the familiar ache of grief that he and Moni experienced in 2007, when they lost their first child, Brayden, at 15 weeks gestation.

“Brayden would have been 18 years old this year,” Mal said. “I remember feeling ripped off — we’d reached the 12-week mark and thought we were safe.”

Moni remembers the familiar gush of waters when her second son, Brodie (16), was born two years later at just 30 weeks gestation — the feeling took her straight back to the doctor’s room and the calm advice to go home, rest and let her body miscarry in its own time.

“I remember having to come to terms with a loss of expectation,” Moni said. “I’d been planning in my mind where Brayden would go to school, what sort of personality he would have — suddenly all of that was gone.” In the months and years after, Moni found unexpected solace in sharing her story with others.

“They were really appreciative of me being honest and talking about what we had experienced,” she said. “It was a relief that someone else knew how I felt and opened up and shared their story back.”

Moni and Mal said one of the common mistakes couples make after experiencing infant or pregnancy loss is not talking about it.

“There were times when I felt Mal didn’t care, but it wasn’t that at all. He did care, he just processed it differently. And often we were thinking or feeling the same thing, so sharing it made us feel less alone in our grief,” Moni said.

“I know sometimes people aren’t ready to talk about it yet,” Mal added. “But letting others in, when you are ready, is so important—there is no formula—but dealing with your pain is never as easy by yourself.”